


Never. Ever

by theresatimeforus



Category: One Direction, zayn malik - Fandom
Genre: Angst, Fluff, Insecure Liam, Little bit of nsfw content, M/M, alternative universe
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-12
Updated: 2017-09-12
Packaged: 2018-12-26 11:38:23
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,615
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12058215
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theresatimeforus/pseuds/theresatimeforus
Summary: For a moment or two, Zayn just stared back at Liam, unblinking as if he was taking time to fully digest the enormity of what Liam had just admitted, before abruptly grabbing a fistful of Liam’s hoodie and pulling him in close so that their bodies were pressed together tightly. As Zayn reached up to gently cup Liam’s face in his hands, he implored, “Don’t say that Li. I could never hate you, no matter what. Never. Ever.”Liam's let's his doubts and insecurities get the better of him until Zayn reminds him of his worth and that he loves him more than ... well, a lot of things.





	Never. Ever

**Author's Note:**

> Hey! Here’s my first ziam drabble/ficlet. It’s based on the prompt - “Maybe when you can look me in the face when you say that, I’ll actually believe you.“ 
> 
> I hope it’s ok? Thanks for anyone who takes the time to read it! You can come talk to me on [my tumblr](https://theresatimeforus.tumblr.com) if you want :).
> 
> p.s. I couldn’t resist adding a little last minute reference to DTD cause it’s such an amazing song with really meaningful lyrics!

 

“Maybe when you can look me in the face when you say that, I’ll actually believe you.”

And wasn’t that statement a right royal slap in the face to Liam, although not quite as much as the obvious anguish those biting words had been tinged with. But really, how could he be blamed for taking the coward’s way out. For choosing to keep his head bowed and avoid looking upon Zayn’s face, especially when those big beautiful eyes would undoubtedly have begun to well up with unshed tears on hearing Liam deliver those five fateful words - ‘ _I can’t do this anymore’_.

You see the thing was, Zayn was right, expertly exposing the fact that a big part of Liam didn’t really believe what he had said. That he was just letting fear rule his head and his heart instead of being honest and admitting what was really going on. In short and in the simplest of terms, he was choosing to be the dumper, before he inevitably became the dumpee.

“Well, are you going to say something Liam? Be completely truthful about your feelings for a change or are you just going to let me fill in all the blanks, like usual?” Zayn challenged, moving further into Liam’s space, so close that he could feel his boyfriend’s (ex-boyfriend’s?) hot breath on his neck.

Liam’s response was swift, backing away on instinct only to be betrayed by his own tiny bedsit, as he butted up against the bathroom door and its silly novelty Harry Potter wand handle that Zayn had convinced him would look ‘sick Leeyum’! Well it felt far from a sick idea now as it dug painfully into his back, causing him to yelp in surprise and in the process finally lift his head to meet Zayn’s piercing gaze.

“I’m … I’m sorry Zayn,” Liam stuttered, caught off guard by the anger radiating from Zayn’s eyes, as opposed to the hurt he was expecting. Vowing to not let Zayn’s reaction wear down his resolve, Liam made a split-second decision to also ignore the fact that he was mostly bullshitting his way through this conversation. For once he was going to win an argument against the formidable foe that was Zayn Malik, no matter how dirty he had to play. So, he jutted his chin out in defiance, trying to appear calm when he felt anything but.

“I know this isn’t what you want to hear Zayn, but it’s true. This _isn’t_ working and you might want to act like you’re taking the high road with this typical holier-than-thou attitude of yours, but if you were being true to yourself, you’d see it just as clearly as I do,” Liam countered, being so bold as to thrust his finger into Zayn chest to emphasis his point.

Liam saw instantly the moment the provocative nature of his words registered with Zayn, his eyes turning even colder if that was possible, his annoyance and contempt clear as he swatted Liam’s hand away. “Oh, fuck off Li!” he hissed, his voice getting louder with each passing word, “I’m not an idiot you know. I know you’re just spewing out shit that you think will rile me up, hoping I’ll let me anger get in the way of us actually talking this through like adults. Oh, and in case you didn’t realise - I’m pretty bloody pissed off with you _Leeyum_. How could I be anything but, when you call me around here to ‘talk’ and proceed to drop this fucking bomb on me without any warning!”

Liam continued to stand his ground, despite the venom filling every word Zayn had just spat at him, even though every fibre of his being was telling him to turn tail and run away to avoid any further confrontation.

“Yeh, well I’m not an idiot either Zed. I can tell how upset you are with me. But in case _you_ didn’t realise, I’m sick of talking things through. Sick of trying to be good enough for you and failing. I … I love you, but I don’t think I know how to do this anymore. Well, not without risking you starting to hate me anyway. I couldn’t bear that.” Liam paused, unable to stop himself from tentatively reaching over to gently stroke Zayn’s chin, before saying, almost in a whisper, “I’d rather be alone for the rest of my life than have you continue to look at me the way you are now.”

For a moment or two, Zayn just stared back at Liam, unblinking as if he was taking time to fully digest the enormity of what Liam had just admitted, before abruptly grabbing a fistful of Liam’s hoodie and pulling him in close so that their bodies were pressed together tightly. As Zayn reached up to gently cup Liam’s face in his hands, he implored, “Don’t say that Li. I could never hate you, no matter what. _Never. Ever_.”

Liam offered up a self-deprecating laugh, somewhat surprised and confused by intensity of Zayn’s response to his confession. How was it that he appeared to be so blind to how the world worked and to Liam’s place in it? Well Liam would just have to bite the bullet and set Zayn right, wouldn’t he.

“That’s what I would have said about my exes too love and look how those relationships turned out,” Liam pointed out rather sarcastically. “People get sick of me Zayn. It’s my M.O. And we both know that’s where this is heading too, so why prolong the agony?”

Zayn pulled his hands away from Liam’s face, letting his arms fall limply at his sides as he took a step back, his demeanour turning icy once again. “Wow. Ok. So, let me get this straight - you’re now comparing me to that snooty prefect you dated for a couple of terms in sixth form as well as the infamous Peter Edwards, who you yourself admitted was probably always too young to commit to anything long term. And let’s not even bring up Jack shall we, cause you know exactly where I stand on that cheating piece of shit and how badly he treated you.”

As Liam reflected on Zayn’s reply, he wished he could deny how fucked up some of his past relationships had been. He was painfully aware that when he was younger he’d made some pretty dubious decisions when it came to dating and the people he had pursued. But he wasn’t about to let Zayn try to diminish the part he had played in how quickly and dramatically they had all fallen apart.

“Ok. You’re right - my track record with dating is pretty shitty. But how can you expect me to ignore that the common denominator was me Zayn. They all rejected _me_ in the end Zayn and I … I just can’t shake the fear that you’ll eventually wise up too and realise I’m not worth all this hassle.”

“You do realise that you make me sound like a prick when you say something like that babe? That I’d be so shallow as to just chuck it all in because it’s not all roses right now,” Zayn countered doggedly - it was becoming increasingly obvious that he wasn’t going to make this easy for Liam.

“Believe me, that’s not my intention - I’m not doing this to hurt you babe. I’m doing it for your own good. You’ll be better off without me.” Zayn didn’t look at all convinced, but Liam barrelled on regardless, “And I didn’t mean to make you feel bad. You’re not the prick here Zed, trust me.”

“How else do you expect me to feel Li, when you compare me to people who never really loved you? _Me_ ,” Zayn retorted fiercely, thumping his chest with his fist to emphasise his point, “who loves you so fucking much. Loves you like I’ve never loved anyone before.”

Liam’s heart simultaneously dropped to the pit of his stomach and practically sprang out of his chest, at hearing Zayn’s heartfelt confession. How could he really be telling this miraculous man that he no longer wanted to be with him, especially when he had just laid his feelings out so transparently right in front of Liam. Truth be told this was the first time he had heard Zayn speak so passionately about how much he loved Liam - he had never loved anyone as much? How could someone feel that way about him? Let alone someone as special as Zayn. _Fuck_ , Liam thought, _I’m just making everything worse, like always._

“Liam? Are you going to say something? I’ve just fucking laid me heart bear and all you can do is stand there staring blankly at me?” Zayn huffed out.

“I’m sorry, I’m just a bit dumbstruck is all. I can’t believe you really feel that way about me. Like I knew you loved me but not like that. I … I just don’t understand how someone like you could love me that much. Could love me as much as I love you,” Liam confessed quietly, bowing his head to avoid seeing the pity he was sure would inevitably show on Zayn’s face.

Almost straight away, Liam felt Zayn’s hand under his chin attempting to lift his head and at first, he tried to resist, still so unsure of himself despite Zayn’s heartfelt confessions. But, if anyone is more stubborn than Liam it’s his boyfriend, so he soon gave in, slowly looking up only to be greeted by Zayn’s concerned face.

“I hate to see you like this Li,” Zayn fretted, stroking Liam’s cheek lovingly. “I wish there was some way we could swap bodies or summit so that you could see yourself the way I see you - a beautiful, kind, sexy, intelligent, talented and _brave_ man. Honestly love, I could go on and on for hours about all the reasons I love you.”

If Liam hadn’t been witness to the adoration radiating from Zayn’s eyes in that moment, he would never have imagined it possible for someone to use words like that to describe him ( _brave?_ \- he felt anything but in that moment) and really believe them. To believe in him that much and although he could feel his love for Zayn growing even more, if that was even conceivable, he was still genuinely bemused as to how Zayn seemed so confident in the stability of their relationship

“I wish I could believe you babe, but its hard when it feels like I just keep on disappointing you over and over again. And what about all the arguments we’ve been having lately? In those other relationships, when we started to fight a lot it always seemed to boil down to me being annoying or too clingy. And then before too long they dumped me. How can you be so sure that’s not what’s starting to happen to us?” Liam asked cautiously, not really wanting to know the answer to that question.

“Baby, just because we have a fight about summit doesn’t mean that I think I’m better than you or that you’re not worthy of my love. And you’ve never been a disappointment to me, or annoying, so get that idea out of your head. Couples fight Li. That’s normal. It doesn’t have to hold a deeper meaning all the time. Sometimes it’s just because I’m tired or you’re stressed out. Simple as that,” Zayn reassured, before carefully pulling Liam into an embrace, sweeping a comforting hand back and forth over his back.

They just stood together like that for a while, clinging on to each other for dear life, somehow seeking confirmation that everything was going to be ok, despite the events of the past hour.

It was Liam who eventually pulled away first, still needing to fully process all that Zayn had said in his mind. He moved the hand that had been holding onto Zayn’s waist and began to smooth it up and down his arm instead, probably as much for his own comfort as for Zayn’s.

“Everything you say makes so much sense to me when we’re together, when I can see the love and understanding in your eyes like I do now. But what about when you go away again for one of your art shows? That’s what worries me babe - that I’ll be sat all alone in this shitty room and I’ll just start stewing over every little detail of our relationship again. I’m scared that I can’t be strong enough for you Zed. Strong enough for us.”

Zayn stilled Liam’s hand with his own, his lips beginning to turn upwards into a small smile as he replied, “Then until you are as confident about where this is going as I am, I’ll be strong enough for the both of us Li. And if you start having doubts again and I’m not around, you ring me - no matter what time of the day or where I am and I promise I’ll always pick up. Baby, I’m right here. _Always_. Never forget that.”

Liam looked over Zayn’s face, taking a second to catalog his stunning features for probably the hundredth time since they’d first met. He was quite possibly the most beautiful thing he had ever laid eyes on. But Liam had known for a long time now that this wasn’t the most amazing thing about his boyfriend. No, the most amazing thing about Zayn Javadd Malik was that, as cliche as it sounded, he was even more wonderful on the inside and it was moments like these that served to remind Liam of that fact.

“I know I’ve said this before, but honestly, what the hell did I do in a past life to deserve you baby?” Liam gushed, reaching up to cup a hand around the back of Zayn’s neck. He began to rub his thumb just over the sensitive area under Zayn’s ear, prompting him to almost start purring in response (Liam always swears Zayn must have been a cat in one of _his_ former lives). “You’re so fucking wonderful Zed, it scares me sometimes you know?”

Zayn rolled his eyes, probably going for exasperation on hearing Liam gushing praise, but it came of as more fond than anything. His face soon turned serious however, stammering, “So, um, that’s a yes then? We’ll just take it one day at a time and if you need me to reassure you you’ll just ask? No more talk of breaking up?”

Tears began to well up in Liam’s eyes at the hopeful, but almost fearful look on Zayn’s face. He hated himself for making him feel that way, for causing that sort of pain and uncertainty in someone he loved so completely and he knew immediately he never wanted it to happen again.

Liam gave a final squeeze to Zayn’s neck before pulling his hand away, vainly attempting to subtly brush away the few tears that had begun to fall down his cheek, as he croaked out, “Yes love. I promise I’ll talk to you first before blowing everything out of proportion like I did today. And just to be clear I’m here for you too Zed. This relationship is a two-way street, so you need to promise me that if you’re feeling worried about something that you’ll talk to me too. I know today probably makes you think otherwise, but I’m here for you too babe if you need me.”

“I know you are. And I promise too. Cause believe it or not I have doubts sometimes too babe. In case I haven’t already made it abundantly clear, you’re pretty amazing yourself ya know and there have been times when I’ve felt like I’m not good enough for you either, what with all my moods and stuff,” Zayn admitted, giving Liam an affectionate little poke in his tummy, in the process.

“Well I don’t know about that love. And I actually think you’re pretty cute when you get all pouty when you’re in a bad mood anyway,” Liam joked, expertly dodging a slap to the arm by Zayn by mere millimetres.

Liam’s attempt at cutting through some of the residual tension that seemed to still be surrounding them, didn’t appear to quite hit the mark, as an uncomfortable silence soon descended over them then. Liam desperately wanted nothing more than to draw Zayn in for a long overdue kiss, but was still hesitant to make the first move given the tumultuous afternoon they’d just experienced and the fact that it was mostly his fault they were in this position to begin with.

“Love you more than sunshine,” Zayn blurted out of the blue, taking a hold of Liam’s hand gently.

Liam smiled broadly upon hearing Zayn words, knowing instantly that he was trying to initiate there now familiar game. Relief swamped his veins as he responded excitedly, “Love you more than karaoke!”

“Love you more than doing my art,” Zayn countered, this time grabbing Liam’s other hand.

“Love you more than chicken bhuna,” Liam declared proudly, sure that Zayn couldn’t come up with something better than their favourite curry.

“Love you more than me mum’s samosas,” Zayn winked.

Liam let go of Zayn’s hands, reaching forward and grabbing him around the waist to pull him in tight, before half-heartedly protesting, “Hey, no fair. You know nothing can beat your mum’s samosas.”

Zayn looked up at Liam through his ridiculously long eyelashes and offered up a cheeky smirk, just like he always did when he knew he’d won an argument. If Liam didn’t love him so damn much he’d find it fucking annoying but instead, as usual, it just prompted a feeling of tooth-rotting adoration.

“Hey,” Liam muttered, all of sudden finding himself lost in Zayn’s mesmerising eyes.

“Hey yourself.”

Liam leaned forward, his lips brushing lightly against Zayn’s before pulling back a second later, suddenly overcome with a need to savour this moment. It felt significant was the thing, almost like they were about to relive their very first kiss, signalling a new beginning to their relationship.

Zayn didn’t share Liam’s view on taking things slow, impatiently grabbing Liam by the neck and pulling him back in. As soon as their lips met properly, it was like a firecracker going off, their mouths moving against together fiercely like they couldn’t get enough of each other. Before too long Liam felt the unmistakable flickering of Zayn’s tongue along the edge of his bottom lip, signalling his desire to deepen the kiss and Liam was more than happy to ascent to Zayn’s request.

He opened his mouth to welcome Zayn in, their tongues moving against each other like they were partaking in some sort of choreographed dance, not surprising really, given how intimately they knew every inch of each other. Liam pulled his mouth away again after sharing a few more moments of unbridled passion, cheekily biting down softly on Zayn’s bottom lip in the process. Zayn fixed him with a halfhearted glare in response, which was soon followed by a blinding smile, confirmation that he was feeling just as happy as Liam.

Liam brought a hand up to caress the side of Zayn’s face, still feeling overwhelmed with guilt for causing him so much pain. “I know I’ve already said it but I’m so sorry for putting you through all this shit Zed. I feel like such a doughnut for ever doubting how you feel about me,” he admitted sheepishly.

Zayn turned his head, placing a loving kiss to the palm of Liam’s hand. “It’s ok baby really. Like I said, I’ve had doubts too. Everyone does. We wouldn’t be human if we didn’t. And I meant every word I said to you today. I love you more than anything and anyone and I don’t see that changing for a very long time - probably ever.”

“Probably? _Probably?_ ” Liam teased, “I’d say definitely personally, but each to his own I guess.”

Zayn pushed against Liam’s chest in a joking attempt to get away, but Liam was far too strong for him, drawing him back easily, much to Zayn’s annoyance. “Now who’s not playing fair? You know I hate it when you use these ridiculously muscly biceps to your advantage.”

“Funny that’s not what you were saying the other night when I was holding you up against the wall in the shower and fucking the life out if you,” Liam laughed, wiggling his eyebrows suggestively, the memory of them being together like that still obscenely fresh in his mind.

“ _Leeyum_. I’m trying to be serious here and confess my undying love to you and you’re talking about fucking me in the shower. That’s not very romantic you know babe?”

“I could say I’m sorry but I’d just be lying,” Liam shrugged, before bursting into a giggle. “But seriously love, if I ever get insecure and start doubting all this again you have my permission to give me a swift kick up the arse to remind me not to be so silly and to just appreciate what I have.”

“Don’t worry babe I’m always happy to remind you of how much I love you,” Zayn declared happily, before cocking an eyebrow and reaching down to grab Liam’s arse. “And speaking of this gorgeous arse, how about I give you a swift something else up here?”

Liam fanned shock at Zayn’s racy suggestion, but he was secretly thrilled at how easy it was for them to fall back into their now familiar banter. “And you had the gall to call me out for being unromantic? Really Zed?”

“So that’s a no to a quick I shag then?” Zayn teased.

Liam pretended to be thinking it over, even though he could already feel himself getting hard just from having Zayn hands on him. “Well if it’s just a quick fuck you’re talking about then I’m afraid the answer would be a no. _But_ , if you think you could manage something that’s going to last a bit longer I might be interested,” Liam countered.

“You can be a right tease when you want to be you know that Li? Fine. I guess I could manage that, but we better hurry cause ‘I’m feeling horny baby!’” Zayn finished in a poor attempt at an exaggerated Austin Powers accent.

Liam laughed as Zayn turned towards his bed and started to disrobe at record pace. He took a moment to admire the plains of Zayn’s lithe body, his assortment of tattoos, especially the ones dedicated to Liam and he was suddenly so overwhelmed by a sense of gratitude.

Liam still didn’t know what he’d done to deserve the love of this incredible man but he was done second guessing himself. For once in his life he was going to try to just enjoy the ride and not worry about the destination (although he secretly hoped it would involve settling down and growing old with Zayn, along with a whole bunch of children and grandchildren). Because by thinking of what might or might not be, he had been missing out on what was. And that ‘was’ was true happiness and contentment, something that had been lacking in Liam’s life for far too long.

“You joining me down here or not babe? Or are you just going to stand there staring at me? I mean I don’t know whether you’ve noticed but I’ve kinda got situation gong on here which needs resolving asap,” Zayn joked, reaching down to stroke his now obvious hard-on.

Liam didn’t need to be asked twice as he too striped off, pouncing on his boyfriend and drawing him flush against his body, before kissing him soundly. Zayn pulled back after a while, much to Liam’s chagrin, looking serious before questioning, “What were you thinking about just then love?”

“Oh, just how lucky I am to have you,” Liam said, in between delivering a series of little pecs to Zayn’s mouth.

“We’re both lucky Li. Don’t forget that ok?” Zayn professed, his doe like eyes shining with sincerity.

Liam leaned down, capturing Zayn’s lips in a somewhat chaste kiss, before replying, “I’ll try not too. I love you Zayn. So much.”

“Love you too Li. Ok enough talking for one day. Let’s get this show on the road shall we. What do think about riding me?” Zayn proposed cheekily as he reached around to ghost a finger over Liam’s hole.

Liam let out an embarrassingly loud moan as Zayn started to slowly circle his finger over his rim. “Sounds … sounds good to me love,” he stuttered out. “Everything and anything with you sounds good.”

“Yeh?” Zayn asked, before trailing open-mouthed kisses over Liam’s jaw and down his neck, stopping to pay particular attention to his birthmark, always a favourite spot.

“Yeh. Come on babe,” Liam whined. “Stop teasing me and get the lube already.”

Zayn purposely ignored Liam’s pleas, turning his attention to Liam’s earlobe next. He sucked it into his mouth gently, all too aware of how much it turned Liam on. Slowly releasing it, Zayn suggested teasingly, “I _could_ eat you out first if you like love. I know how much you like to feel my tongue fucking deep into your hole.”

Liam’s brain short circuited slightly at the mention of having Zayn skilful tongue inside him. But at this stage he was more desperate for his boyfriends cock, so somewhat reluctantly he had to put the kibosh on Zayn’s idea. “Babe _please_. Get the lube - I need you inside me. I’m going crazy here.”

“Ok. Ok. Sorry Li. But you better promise me a rain check on eating you out soon ok?” Zayn laughed.

As he let go of Zayn so he could roll over to retrieve the lube from the top draw of his bedside table, Liam fell onto his back and looked up contemplatively at the ceiling. He knew he was sporting a goofy smile, but how could he help it? A few hours ago he had woken up in this very same bed dreading having to tell Zayn that he didn’t think he could be with him anymore. But now, just a few hours later, they were about to have makeup sex (the only upside of arguing with Zayn). Would probably spend the rest of the night eating take away from their favourite Indian restaurant in bed, before watching ‘The Dark Knight’ for the umpteenth time. As far as Liam was concerned life couldn’t get much better than that.

“Hey I thought we agreed you’d be on top?” Zayn pouted, peering over Liam’s prostrate form, lube in hand.

Liam just laughed before manhandling Zayn down onto the mattress and climbing on top of him. “Don’t worry babe I’m still going to ride you, but you better not make me do all the work this time, cause don’t forget I have to save some of me strength for football training later or Louis will never let you hear the end of it!”

“Don’t worry, I can handle Tommo,” Zayn declared confidently, giving Liam a slap on the arse. “Now, less talking and more fucking, ok?”

“Yes sir!” Liam giggled, making a half hearted attempt at a salute.

Looking down at Zayn grinning back at him with his tongue pressed to the back of his teeth in that cute, quirky way that Liam absolutely adored, it was as if time was standing still just for them. His heart was so full of love that it seemed a miracle it could still be contained within his chest. So full, that it prompted Liam to make a silent promise, both to himself and Zayn, to never again let his insecurities and doubts lead him to contemplate giving up on this man. _Never. Ever._

~ The End ~

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading. I love receiving feedback on my writing so feel free to comment, even if it's just a quick little sentence. Thanks again xx


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